Framed
by ilovetvalot
Summary: More in the continuing adventures of Rossi's dog Mudgie and JJ's cat Magpie. Things around the cabin have gotten pretty interesting since we lost saw our unlikely duo. It appears that Mudgie is being framed.


**Author's Note: More in the continuing adventures of Mudgie and Magpie! The sequel is already written if you all like this.**

**Framed**

_I couldn't deny that I'd heard that saying, "a dog in the manger" before. I had...the master had even said it himself a time or two over the years. Or more accurately, I'd actually heard all three of his previous wives call him that at one time or another. But this was getting ridiculous! _

_Looking around at my current environment, I never thought the big guy would take the saying so literally when he banished me to the barn. C'mon, couldn't the guy see that I was being framed? He was a smart guy who was supposed to be some sort of crimestopper. I mean, what did they call him again? Oh, yeah! Profiler._

_My ass!_

_"And here I was thinking that you were allegedly man's best friend?" I heard meowed in that familiar sneer I'd grown to tolerate...but just barely. "Oh, how the mighty have fallen," she purred at me, sarcasm dripping off her words, twitching her tail as she delicately pranced across the hay._

_"Not in the mood, Shitty Kitty," I barked back, slapping my tail against the nearby wood._

_"Poor, poor darling Mudgie," she mocked with a snicker, her ears flicking as she cocked her little head._

_Rolling my brown eyes, I snorted as I dropped my head to my paws. Was there anything worse on earth than a condescending cat? "Go 'way," I whined through my teeth. "Or, are you out here looking for Tom?" I goaded her, hiding my goofy doggy grin._

_"That feckless feline?" Magpie gasped, her hackles rising as she coiled her tail. "I think not!" she snapped, turning up her black nose toward the rafters._

_"Really?" I chuckled, rolling to my side. "And Tom was just here telling me how Shitty Kitty liked it ruff, ruff, ruff," I teased, enjoying the hiss she made as she bared her little kitty incisors at me._

_"That veterinarian should have left your testicles and taken your tongue, you contrary canine beast," she hissed as she bounced on to a nearby hay bale._

_"Hey, you came out to my home away from home, Cat," I pointed out with a yelp as her nail found my wagging tail. Looking morosely around, I muttered, "Thanks for that, by the way."_

_"I haven't the foggiest clue what you're referring to," Magpie stated prissily as she paused in the act of washing her foot._

_"Sure, you don't," I barked. Man, what I wouldn't give for some spiked catnip right now, I thought glumly. Maybe I'd get Tom to hook me up…you know, just in case for the future. "Just tell me why the Princess had deigned to leave her kingdom, okay?" _

_"If only it were still my kingdom," Magpie mewed balefully, her whiskers dropping in defeat. "That tiny human has taken over," she complained, her gaze narrowing on the cabin in the not so far distance. "Honestly, I don't know what Mummy was thinking bringing that creature home. You were bad enough," Magpie sniffed with an imperious glare in the dog's direction._

_If only I had the paw control to flip her the bird, I grumbled to myself. Damn lack of opposable thumbs! "Can I remind you here that it was me that got invaded by YOU? The master and I were doing just fine before you came along, Shitty Kitty. Second, I'm pretty sure they brought the little human home because she belongs here," I said, mentally preparing myself for the oncoming, long-running debate, the likes of which I had been subjected to many times over the past year. "Besides, I like the kid."_

_"You would," Magpie huffed haughtily, curling her claws into the hay. "Although, I did think canines were supposed to have sensitive hearing. However do you endure the tiny human's incessant wails? It's simply beyond me."_

_"Easy," I smirked. "I've been forced to listen to you for the last two years. I've developed an immunity. I can now successfully practice the art of selective hearing. Watch," I directed the furry pain in my ass as I began to hum the chorus to "Who Let the Dogs Out" in my head._

_"Amusing," Magpie muttered, batting at a pile of hay with her claws. "But honestly, does Mummy have to insist on allowing that creature free reign of my abode? I'm expected to respect the human's boundaries. Honestly, her crib is much nicer than my bed, which is such an insult. Shouldn't seniority mean something, you clueless canine?"_

_"I'm sorry. Didn't hear that," I yawned, yanking her chain…well, maybe her collar. "Did you actually come out here expecting sympathy, you sneaky traitor? I'm pretty certain it wasn't the toddler that through me under the bus! Unlike you, I ain't got nine lives," I howled._

_Turning her calculating gaze on the beast beside her, Magpie arched her back. "No idea to what you're referring," she yawned, completely unconcerned by the snarl marring her former roommate's face._

_"Putting Ari's pacifier in my food bowl," I grunted with begrudging respect, "I've got to admit, that was classic. But seriously, did you have to push her bottle in the aquarium. Wasn't that just overkill?"_

_"That move was designed to do you a favor, Fido," Magpie mewed in defense. "In case you haven't noticed, the affections of our parents are being directed at an animal commonly known as bait!"_

_"The fish has a name, Mags," I yapped at her, growing tired of this particular argument. "Nemo. His name is Nemo."_

_"Are you entirely certain of that?" Magpie meowed. "The tiny human insists that it's "Ish". Usually at the top of her tiny formidable lungs. And Mummy thinks it's cute! How can something so irritating be adorable in her eyes? Honestly, I believe your daddy..."_

_"Master," I corrected automatically._

_"WHATever! Your master has polluted Mummy's gene pool. She was once a highly intelligent woman that spoke in complete sentences. Now she's a babbling mass of gooey maternal love. It's nauseating."_

_"Green is not a becoming color on you, Furball. Especially when it gets me evicted. Give me three good reasons not to hike my leg on your head," I demanded on a growl, rising up on my haunches._

_"Stop complaining," Magpie ordered imperiously, tilting her kitty head, her collar bell letting out a tinkle. "At least you aren't suffering the indignity of being chased around the house like a fleabag...oh, wait! I forgot who I was talking to for a moment," she declared with a twitch of her tail. "Besides, your coup de grace was entirely your own doing, you filthy hound."_

_Hanging my head, I couldn't deny the nail that had been hammered into my doggy coffin was entirely my own doing. But, how was it fair that when nature called for the furball, she had a box to visit. I could only cross my four legs for so long before the inevitable happened. _

_And I definitely hadn't meant for Ari to find it...and paint the walls._

_My only saving grace was that my four legs had come in handy when the Mistress had grabbed her broom. The glower I'd had focused on me still made my doggy hair stand on end._

_Mistress was one pissed off mother when her baby was concerned._

_Honestly, the Master might have been doing me a favor in the whole "banished to the barn" routine. His gaze HAD almost been sympathetic as he'd watched the Mistress chasing me through the house, little Ari quick on her heels and giggling at the top of her baby lungs._

_"Are you listening to me?" I heard Shitty Kitty ask me impatiently, pulling me from the memory of a day that will live in infamy._

_"No," I informed her bluntly, uninterested by whatever diabolical plans the feline was currently pursuing._

_"I was saying that I'm righteously offended," Magpie yowled. "Honestly, Mummy is so thrilled that the tiny human..."_

_"Arabella," I barked. "The tiny human has a name!"_

_"...is calling her mommy. Honestly," she huffed indignantly, ignoring my outburst. "I've been doing that for YEARS! Did I get that kind of recognition?"_

_"Ari is cuter," I yawned, growing bored by the conversation…again. I wasn't getting suckered into another one of Magpie's schemes. Nope, not me. Not this time. "And less aggravating."_

_"Really?" Magpie meowed knowingly, "Then it doesn't interest you at all that, currently, as we speak, in fact, that plans are being made for a new addition to our family."_

_"Huh?" I said, lifting my head from my paws as my ears perked up in interest. What information was the feckless feline keeping to herself for such a moment as this?_

_"Yes, your da-...I mean, your master," she sneered with a slap of her paw, "has made one of those unilateral decisions I detest. He's decided that the tiny human shall have her own pet. His reasoning was that Mummy had me. He had YOU," she said, her whiskers twitching in disgust. "And Arabella should have one as well," she all but snarled._

_"Cool. The more, the merrier, I always say," I said, doing my best imitation of a doggy shrug._

_"Wonderful, I'm sure you won't mind sharing your home with a brand new, lovable PUPPY," Magpie chortled, gleefully dropping her cunning bombshell._

_Lifting my soulful eyes to the wooden rafters as Magpie scampered off victoriously, I muttered to the heavens, "You're giving a whole new meaning to that old saying, "It's a dog's life", aren't ya, Big Guy?"_

_And rolling over on my back, I decided that all life's ills could be cured with a nice, long nap._

_Maybe this new world would just disappear. A dog could dream, couldn't he?_

_Finis_


End file.
